I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
