he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Barsexuality is the new black.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
