Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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