when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
