Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize