THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
