i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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