3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
