I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
