so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
