bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So many bounce houses so little time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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