I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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