Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The air was thick with penises
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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