Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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