shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
