Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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