I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize