Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
