I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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