Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
