My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
