he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
