so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
