Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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