I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
