I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
