OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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