Will you blow on my dice?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
