lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
