I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
