dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
