I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
