$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
