I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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