Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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