By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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