I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
