and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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