I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
