Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
