Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
