So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
