walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
