I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
only you would photoshop your dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
