mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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