he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm passing your future prison.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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