Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
