Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
