ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
