just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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