Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize