what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and she was petting her beer can
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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