You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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