If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
