Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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