he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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