Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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