i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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