Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize