sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
