Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
