Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
