I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize