Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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