On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
