Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
